With divorce ending more than 50% of all marriages, are you finding yourself where so many women are these days—in your late 30s, or perhaps older, and starting to date again? The prospect of an uncharted relationship may seem daunting, particularly because this also means you may be having sex with someone new.

So how do you prepare? A long soak in scented bubbles? Leg waxing, some sexy underwear and a new fragrance? How about a trip to the drugstore for condoms? Jeez, many of us haven’t faced these questions since college!


But you should know that the number of adults with sexually transmitted infections (STIs) continues to rise and, in fact, last year hit all-time high records, according to the CDC.

These days, if you’re going to be sexually active on the dating scene, it’s just as important to consider condoms for yourself as it is to talk to your teens about them. Condoms are an absolute necessity to protect against STIs and pregnancy—yes, pregnancy. Both of these are very real issues for women in midlife.


Women tell researchers they don’t believe they’re at risk because they’ve been in a mutually monogamous relationship. Women are at risk for at least seven STIs, including chlamydia and gonorrhea (the most common). The good news is that they’re all preventable.

Women in general are more often infected with an STI than men simply because we have a greater amount of tissue that is exposed to semen, and more semen than vaginal fluid is exchanged during sex. Vaginal dryness increases your infection risk because dryness can lead to microscopic tears in the tissues, making them an open portal for infection.

Pregnancy is another real risk for women having unprotected sex, especially if you’re experiencing changes in your usual menstrual cycle. You may consider yourself beyond childbearing but you can and do still ovulate in midlife. Even if your periods have stopped for a couple of months it’s still possible to get pregnant. While the need for birth control is something you should discuss with your healthcare provider, protecting yourself against infection and pregnancy is something you must talk to your sexual partner(s) about.

Most midlife women became sexually active when the birth control pill was the go-to form of contraception, and many of us have never purchased condoms before.

You’ll find condoms in your favorite store, typically near the feminine hygiene products and almost always near the lubricants, which is convenient because you can pick up some lube at the same time! Using extra lube increases sensation for both men and women; just make sure you buy lube that’s water, glycerine or silicone-based. Never buy an oil-based lube as the oils can break down the condom. Buy the regular kind and be careful about novelty condoms typically found in bathroom dispensers. They may glow in the dark or taste like raspberries but they aren’t recommended to protect against pregnancy or STIs.

Condoms are highly effective against STIs and pregnancy when used properly—but even condoms aren’t foolproof and there’s no such thing as safe sex, just safer sex. For maximum protection, use a condom every time you have sex; it must be on the penis for the entire time that the penis is in the vagina, and the condom must be removed immediately after ejaculation.


Insist on condoms each and every time you’re with someone; tell your partner you’re insisting on this for both of you. Some men claim that using a condom turns them off or that they’re too large to use one comfortably. Suggest that you both acquire a stash of extra-large supplies before having sex or there’s going to be no sex at all. Maybe he’d like to learn that condoms can actually help a guy maintain his erection longer as they do decrease sensation a tiny bit.

While most STIs can be cured, the reality is that most women are surprised to learn they have one because they haven’t considered themselves at risk. Protect yourself, respect yourself and stay safe!

About the Author: Anne Katz, RN, PhD, is a sexuality counselor at CancerCare Manitoba in Winnipeg and the sexuality expert at Health4Women.org; read more of her great advice in Sex Matters.