Would you know if your friend or sister had postpartum depression (PPD)? I’m not talking about those up and down moments of emotions every woman feels in the first week or two after giving birth. I’m talking about serious depression that cripples a woman emotionally and interferes with taking care of herself, her newborn, and her family.

Postpartum depression affects as many as 1 in 5 new moms of all races, ages, and circumstances. It can occur anytime in the first year postpartum, but for most women it begins in the first three months. Women with PPD describe feeling terrifying anxiety, loneliness, emptiness, and that the world seems unreal. They may relentlessly obsess and struggle to get through each day or even hour. Difficulty sleeping, which is a problem for almost all new moms, can be extreme. (Read more about PPD here).

Women with PPD may be so fearful of their emotions, especially if they have no knowledge or experience with postpartum depression, that they don’t immediately seek treatment. This is where you, a concerned friend or family member, come in.

If you’re thinking “I do know someone but how would I approach her?” worry no more. Let her know gently that you’re worried that she seems to be withdrawing from everyone around her or seems sad and overwhelmed with everything in her life. That she just doesn’t seem like herself to you. Listen to your intuition, and even if a new mom is unsure of what’s going on herself, let her know that postpartum depression is a very real, serious, and common disorder that is not “all in her head.” Tell her there is effective treatment that can go far in giving her life back to her and restoring her pleasure in her new baby. Then make sure she talks to her healthcare provider right away so she can get the help she needs. In addition to medical care, you can also refer her to Postpartum Support International where she can talk to a PSI volunteer coordinator in her area and find out information about crisis hotlines and support groups close to her.

Every mom deserves to enjoy her first weeks and months with a new baby as her family settles into new routines and roles. In my early days of motherhood I used to tell my family “what keeps the mom sane, keeps the family sane.” I admit I was trying to be witty (and get my way), but for many there is absolute truth to this statement. The entire family, including the new baby, need the mom to be as healthy and happy as she can be so that everyone gets off to a great start.

Have you or someone you know struggled with PPD? Tell us what you or she experienced and how getting treatment worked out.