In a great flurry of pink and red hearts, Valentine’s Day is upon us. Many of us will buy the obligatory card for our loved one (and there are even cards for children and grandparents and pets!). Some of us may receive red roses or a box of chocolates, or maybe some skimpy underwear. Many of us – and our partners too – will assume that February 14th will also mean sex, much like birthdays and anniversaries.

I find this a little strange, much as I find the obligation or expectation of sex on birthdays and anniversaries a little odd. I like flowers and chocolates as much as the next woman (well I perhaps like chocolate more than the next woman!) but I don’t like the thinly veiled message that this is a day about sex. Some of you may feel the same, or think that I am totally off the mark.

I don’t like this pressure to think about love and I don’t like the idea of sex on a certain day or night because there’s a card or bunch of flowers on the table. I dislike the idea that for some, a red card with a sentimental greeting is the only way they hear that their partner loves and appreciates them or vice versa.

I’m going to suggest that this Valentine’s Day, we forget about the cards and the flowers and the chocolate and instead take some time to TELL our partners/spouses how much they mean to us, how much we appreciate the big and the little things they do, and how important they are in our lives. There is no right or wrong way to talk about this – some of us have the so-called gift of the gab and can talk in flowery sentences. Others of us may be able to say just a few words – and “I love you” is a good place to start. We are humans, not whales or dolphins, so communicating in grunts and squeaks won’t work. For some it is going to be difficult because we don’t say stuff like that ever. But I promise you that when your partner hears what you truly think and feel, he or she is going to feel special and the feeling will last longer than those flowers and certainly longer than the chocolates. Go on – give it a try...