You’re leaving the hospital with your new baby as a nurse slips a pamphlet into your hand. You glance at it and at the very bottom of the back page it states: You may resume sexual activity after your 6-week check up. You don’t think much about it—you’re not going to have sex again, ever, not after what you’ve just been through! But you will—one day. It’s just a matter of when that day is going to be...

I don’t know why women are told to wait till after the post-partum visit to resume sex. For some that may be too soon but for many women, the desire for sex comes back way before 6 weeks and yet they wait... for what? You know your body and it may in fact be wise to try sex again, before that 6-week check-up, so that you can report anything that felt different and ask any questions you may have.

Resume when you’re ready

If you’ve stopped bleeding and if you’re in the mood, there’s no harm in grabbing your partner and giving it a go. Just go slow, take your time, and know that if it hurts, or if something feels not quite right, you can stop.

If you’re breastfeeding, vaginal dryness may make things uncomfortable; be prepared with some water-based lubricant. If you’ve had a tear or an episiotomy, you may feel some tenderness or burning at the entrance to the vagina. Tell your provider about this.

You may also feel some discomfort with deep thrusting; slow down and recognize that your uterus is still reverting back to its usual place in your pelvis and that this is normal. You may want to try with you on top next time so that you can control the depth of thrusting.

Use birth control

Remember that you need to think about (and use!) birth control. Exclusive breastfeeding offers some protection—but you may ovulate before you get a period and if you’re having unprotected sex, you may get pregnant again very soon!

On the other hand, if you want to wait, you can. But remember that your partner/spouse may be feeling left out and lonely so make sure to give him some attention. Some good kissing and cuddling can help you wait for sex. Let him know that he’s still important and your sex life is not gone forever—just while you’re tired and sore and getting back to being your self.

Sex matters, it really does. It’s important for your relationship and it’s important for your body and your soul. It makes us feel wanted and loved and it reminds us that we are women, not just mothers. And it matters to our partners who help us with this important work of mothering. So go on—give sex a whirl—six weeks or six months later... when the time is right for you, the time is right.